This is our second adoption through Bethany Christian Services (BCS). I wouldn't want to go through another organization, not that I know to much about other organizations, because of the extensive training and support they give their families. When Eliot arrived home, our Social Worker (SW) was there to help us see Eliot and to appropriately help him identify with us as his forever family. By the time Eliot was 16 months old and we had the last of our follow-up visits with BCS the staff could see that our son was an Inglin! Thom was his Daddy, I was his mama and the girls were his sisters. I am grateful for all the useful information and study of adoptive children through the years. It has helped us identify times when Eliot has struggled and it has made the scripture, "Train up a child in the way he should go so that when he is older he would not depart from it." By God's grace Eliot came to us differently than our girls. And with that difference comes a responsibility to help Eliot see God's marvelous divine plan of how God brought him into this world, (his birth story) and His purpose of making Eliot an Inglin and by God's grace His child.
We are adopting our son Peter using Bethany again. And a little thought keeps niggling at me, what is the biblical word for attachment disorder. It's a responsibility of mine as God's child to give a reason for what I believe and then pass it on to my children. So I did what any daughter of God would do, I sought Him out in prayer for an answer and it came a little like this.
JI Packer's book, Knowing God, was edited into a year-long devotional tool that my husband joyfully purchased for my Christmas present in 2009 for the 2010 year. As I began reading the daily devotions I quickly realized, I was in deep waters. I wanted to quit reading it because I couldn't get it unless I read the entry over and over, and prayed for help and then over and over again. Man, I felt so stupid! I was so glad that men like JI Packer existed and had those thoughts because not in a million years would I be thinking them. I was just barely scratching the surface compared to his wisdom. (I love this book and recommend it for all of us adopting just for the 19th chapter! let alone the whole marvelous work.)
(Side Thought) I didn't know in January of 2010, that by March of 2010 we would be in another adoption process and that the little one would have Down's Syndrome. God was about to show me something that I never connected before. I have an attachment disorder with my Heavenly Father. And this realization came months later and well into the adoption process of Peter.
After getting into Peter's adoption process we again had to go through that gruelling 8 hour workshop where very little of God's wisdom was being spoken of and alot of worldly wisdom was being presented as authoritative. What was even more apparent to me this time than last time was, there were as many ways of helping a child attach as there were children. The information was not only overwhelming but not satisfying. Where was the hope that we Christian parents needed to hear the most? Where was Jesus? Where was the sovereignty of God? Where was the authority of scripture? I left that workshop on a mission to find an answer from the One who had adopted me! I was hungry for a biblical answer to attachment disorder.
The 19th chapter of Knowing God talks about our adoption into the family of God. As I was reading the devotional excerpts in October 2010, God started showing me what attachment disorder looks like between my adoptive Father, God, and His precious blood-bought daughter, Jill. And He was using the adoptive process with Peter to stir this up in me. Here's how.
Many times during this particular process, I have lost my way. My trust in God has been shaken and I withdraw from Him instead of running towards Him in times of conflict. And I hold Him at arms length because I am afraid that He might not be good to me, or answer my prayers the way I want them to be answered, or help when I need help, what if He fails? Of course, if you are a Christian you know that it is impossible for God to fail us as a matter of fact He says in His word Hebrews 13:5 that He would never leave us or forsake us. God was about to show me something that I could 100% trust and 100% believe and 100% speak and live with my two sons.
Here are some quotes from the JI Packer's devotional guide dealing with adoption that was instrumental in my seeing the connection between Trusting God and attachment disorder.
We are not fit for a place in God's family. The idea of his loving and exalting us sinners as he loves and exalts the Lord Jesus sounds ludicrous and wild yet that, and nothing less than that is what our adoption means.
The establishing of the child's status as a member of the family is only a beginning. The real task remains to establish a genuinely filial relationship between your adopted child and yourself. So with God. . .! (What a definition of attachment!)
Definition of Adoption: God receives us as sons and daughters, and he loves us with the same steadfast affection with which he eternally loves his beloved Only Begotten. We are all loved just as fully as Jesus is loved.I was undone by these quotes. Not only did I have an improper view of my own adoption, but also of what it means to be called a child of God. God was helping me to put the two together in my mind. He was connecting my sinful behavior towards Him, by not trusting Him, to what the world would call attachment disorder. God answered my prayers. The most amazing part of this realization was that He was faithful in helping me trust Him more. He has given me His Precious Son, His Holy Spirit, His word. Everyday He lets me take a breath knowing that I have trouble trusting in Him. And by faithfully loving me everyday, teaching me, admonishing me, disciplining me I am trusting Him more and more by His grace.
So now when I am sitting under worldly instruction about how to help my sons attach to me I do not shrink back; I am grateful for the information but I allow what God has shown me to wash over the secular words being spoken to me and give those same words, hope and life and biblical meaning. Again, I am just a mom who wants to do the best by her children and nothing this world has to offer is better than what God has in His authoritative Word.
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16 &17
This is what God has done to me everyday of my adopted life with Him so that I will cling to Him and love Him more and more deeply. In some ways, I am starting to take on His character, and when I want to push Him away, He never lets me go. In His perfect love, God has done this for me, and by His great Grace I will endeavor to do this for our boys.
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