Angel Unaware

We have read so many books on Downs Syndrome (DS), adoption issues and cultural books that this book came as a sweet treat.  My mother-in-law recently re-read this story to continue to prepare her heart for us to bring home Peter. Angel Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers is the book.

Dale Evans Rogers, the famous wife of Roy Rogers gave birth to a little girl named Robin, born with DS.  The book is written from Robin's perspective speaking to God and she called her brief time on the earth, her "mission".  That mission was to set her parents free from worldly cares and learn to lean more on God and also to become a mouth piece for special needs children and later international adoption.

The impact of this little book was deeply felt.  Back when this book was written, they still called children with DS "Mongoloid" and encouraged parents to institutionalize their children.  The medical profession didn't hold out much hope for the Rogers family.  Robin only lived 2 years and died because of heart complications, maybe even something that could be diagnosed and fixed now.  We really do live in an age of medical wonders.  In our country we have whole wings of hospitals devoted to DS as well as organizations for support, information and medical helps.  We have buddy walks and Trisomy 21 conferences.  They didn't!  But because Dale and Roy Rogers took a stand along with many other heroes for DS, our angels can live longer, more fulfilling lives. 

Our little angels are waiting for us to come and get them.  Some are already home, some are just desires stirred in a future dad or mom's heart.  There is so much help available to us.  God is doing something.  He is waking up His slumbering church to the plight of these children with DS, as well as the general populace, and calling us to go!  I can't wait to pick up our little angel.  Every time I look at Peter's pictures, or watch his video for the 100th time, I see a light in those eyes.  God has a purpose for him and many others like him.  I pray for continuing courage for those in the process of adopting one of these precious ones and I pray for obedient hearts to hear the call to adopt and do it.  And who knows, we may just be entertaining Angels unaware!

Please check out Reece's Rainbow (I have a link to the site on this blog) and just look at the little children in need of a family and examine what you are in need of.  Let the Lord challenge you with much travail through prayer and see if there might just be a place in your heart and homes for Ones like these.  If adoption isn't for you, many of us who are preparing to go need financial help.  Maybe that could be a way to help. 

Grateful to be called by God to adopt Peter.  Looking forward to the impact this little life has on us, our family, our church and our community.

A Time for Everything!

Do you remember the list of things to be accomplished in my post "Cake and Eat it Too"?  I'll refresh your memories and mine because God deserves some thankful praise.

Megan's home school graduation 6/18/11
Megan's last Youth camp 6/15 - 18/11
Megan's last piano recital 5/22/11
Megan's permit test  6/3/11 Passed
Graduation celebrations 6/19/11
Emily's 20th birthday 5/31/11
Emily's driver's test 5/21/11 Passed
Pool Registration for Eliot 6/16/11
Coordinating medical teams for Peter (On-going)
Organizing play area for 2 boys (5/11-6/11)
A family baby shower 6/22/11
Mother's day 5/8/11
Father's day 6/19/11
Work related training for Thommy 6/13-17/11

God is so faithful to our family.  I forgot to mention in that list Peter's birthday which was the 7th of  June.  Thank you all for the prayers sent up on our behalf.  God heard everyone of them and answered them in AWESOME fashion as is His way.  What did I learn?

1. I am in control of nothing, not even myself.  God is!
2. When Peter comes home it will be forever and for good
3. There is always more grace.

While at youth camp this last week, I shared a tent with another mom from our youth ministry, Michele Franks.  Normally, you would pass our tent and think 2 giggly girls resided there but not this time.  We were sharing something.  We were sharing the passage of time that our graduates, my Megan and her Blake, have in common.  Most of the time we kept our tears in check, mostly.  We didn't want to miss a single event they were participating in.  Next year, they will not be traveling down to youth camp.  Others will, but time for them has come to move on.  Bitter - sweet isn't it?  And I had plenty of time to be all there and loving every minute of it!

In the meantime I wondered about Peter.  What must he be experiencing right now?  According to a recent email he knows something is up.  Right now he is frightened and needing specific comfort.  Is is health doing OK?  It seems that as I read over his medical history, during this time of year he historically has some upper respiratory stuff happen.  I know he is well cared for.  How will God move on his little heart when he finally meets us?  I pray that it will be positive for him and I hope for us as well, we are going to be together, the Lord willing, a very long time.  God is with him right now, and all the others in his orphanage, watching over them, Vigilant!  Never slumbering!  What capable hands our boy is in!

The list I re-posted is faithful evidence that God exists and that He is in control and cares deeply about the details.  Perfect timing has become a full course meal served by His hand.  Prior to our SW leaving for maternity leave, she sent us an email with a ball park time we would travel.  We rejoiced as it read, late July, early August!  A light at the end of the tunnel.  We emailed our whole family and church, all that have supported us and they sent many emails of encouragement back.  But we still don't know exactly when do we? 

God knows. I trust Him.  And through this process the Father has shown me that I do trust Him.  Each event, every set-back, money raised, money spent, grants, hurdles, tears, all of it produced a greater quantity and quality of faith that says, "that's my Daddy!  He can do everything perfectly!" 

Praise You Father and thank You for making the impossible, possible.  The memories of each event are so sweet and I am more in love with You than ever.  Thank You for the provision of Yourself during all seasons of this process and thank You for working all things together for good.  Thank You for making scripture come alive as I encountered Your faithfulness time and time again.  Thank You that soon we will get Peter.  Thank You for Jesus dying on the cross to pay for my sin and thank You Jesus for Your guidance and keeping.  Thank You for all the hidden details I will never see that You have taken care of on our behalf.  Thank You for adopting me.  I love being a child of God. 

So much more to be thankful for. . .so undone by God's steadfast love towards me!

A Long Rich Process!

Our Social Worker (SW) called and told us she was going on maternity leave and we'd be reassigned to another SW.  Both SW's were going over our case and realized that our FBI clearance, Child Abuse clearance and Fingerprinting needed to be redone.  $200 later we had all the paperwork turned around in a day.  It was at this point that I wanted the process over.  What was supposed to be a 6-9 month process has turned into 15 months.  Our son spent his 3rd birthday in the orphanage that we dearly dreamed we'd celebrate face to face.  After some rather discouraging moments of the soul, I cried out to God asking for the process to be over and for Peter to be home with us forever.

(Jill Picture)  I have been called a very passionate person.  When disappointments come my way I often times do not respond positively initially, rather I react negatively.  My husband calls it the "poor me" phase.  It's during these times when I wait for God alone to speak to me and quiet my soul.  To make sense of the loose ends that have once again entangled me.  After my Father carefully untangles me, wipes my tears away, lifts my gaze to Him, He comforts me as only He can.  For the millionth time He showed me where I was and that is right in the palm of His hand.  SECURE!

God reminded me to look over all the events of this adoption.  To see all the ways He has moved miraculously.  To remember all the lives that have been knitted into Peter's tapestry.  Again very aware that I am not God, He is! and He has everything under control worked out in His timing.  But there was something else.  God doesn't want a bunch of stoics walking around saying, "No, no, I am not sad, or frustrated or mad or disappointed!  God works all things together for good."  He was calling me to bring my sorrows, my disappointments, my fears to Him.  He showed me that He wants to fellowship with me through all of life not just the parts that go according to my plan.  I became freshly aware that God was jealous that my passions would bring praise to Him no matter what I was experiencing or seeing with my natural eye.  That's why He gave me such a heart.

But God, what if something delays the process even further and we have to do the immigration paperwork all over again?  What if all the money you gave us is spent and when it comes time to travel we will be stuck?  What if, What if, What if!  No Peace.  Robbed of joy by 2 little words, "What If". 

(A Prayer) Father, Abba, please quiet my heart!  My mind is too small to even figure out the smallest detail of my own life let alone this whole adoption process.  Please hear my prayers and answer them for I am weary and heavy in spirit.  I cannot wear that "God's in control smile" today!  All I can show is unbelieving tears!  O Jesus, help me in my unbelief to believe!  Strengthen my weak knees and my feeble hands and remind me Holy Spirit whose family I belong to!  Have your full way with me O God!  Love Your trembling Daughter.

Then God brings me here because He loves me:

Psalm 23!  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  (You are my Abba and You will supply all that I need and take care of all the details) He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me besides still waters.  (You will comfort my troubled soul with tender care)  He restores my soul.  He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.  (The road of adopting Peter seems long, but You are my hope.  You have not let me wander off the path because of Your glory and for my good.)  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death (even though it seems like our circumstances are taking a turn) I will fear no evil (I will trust in You) for You are with me (my greatest joy) Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me (All through this adoption I am being sanctified and disciplined to follow You and not what I perceive is happening and I am comforted.)  You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; (You wipe away every one of my tears.) My cup overflows! (Once again, You have lifted my gaze from the situation and I am looking at Your Beauty and praise and courage pour in.)  Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life (I am so grateful for this life, ALL of it, every single bit) and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.  (Thank you Father!  Thank you for the tangibleness of these truths!)

My passions are redirected, my knees have been strengthened, my hands made useful and the chaff of all my fears have evaporated.  God did it WITH me and through me as WE faced the fears of my weaknesses.  I still hope that we can get Peter sooner than later, I love him so. . .but for now, I just want to bask in the goodness of my Father and the green pastures and the still waters of this Long Rich Process.

God's Kindness

In going over my day-timer this past week I was struck by the amount of things happening and about to happen.  For me looking at enormous to-do lists can be very overwhelming.  Often times I wonder how I will accomplish all the events and remain sane!  Then God broke into my cold sweats and spoke to me.

"Jill aren't you glad that along with all these other ways to serve this week you aren't also preparing to go to Hong Kong?"

I stopped the car, pulled over onto the side of the road and thanked God for His immeasurable kindness to me.  I have found it is one thing to run through to-do lists and forget the whole reason why I'm doing it and it is quite another thing to "be all there", "in the moment" and praising God.   The praise just rolled right over me and out!  That one question infused so much grace in me that I was able to look at the pending week with all that it entailed with joy instead of heavy sighing.

(Mom Thought)  My daughter Megan is graduating this year from High School.  We homeschool so it is no small deal to come to the end of that most precious responsibility.  She is our second to graduate with our oldest, Emily finishing in 2009.   A lot of lasts come with it; last youth meeting, last youth camp etc.  Megan has been very concerned, (and feeling guilty about it but completely on board) that her Daddy and I would be in Hong Kong and miss these special big events in her life.  Last night at the Crossfire youth meeting as all the Seniors were being honored by the Pastor, I leaned forward and whispered with tears to my Megan, "See honey, God made sure that we would be here for this!"  More tears, more praise.  Such Kindness!

The other thought that has continued to consume my thinking is, "How will I be able to fit that in?"  Thom and I have had the privilege over the past 10 years to serve our Pastors and our church body by opening up our home for differing and varying events.  We have loved every moment of it and cherished the meaningful times of fellowship had within these walls.  In God's perfect timing, some of those events will cease to be at our home.  Our Pastor, Ben Ross, asked us once what we would do with all the free time on our hands after Megan graduates and certain events move to other locations.  Last night, in the midst of rejoicing and tears, God answered that question.

God is calling us to a new use for our home and time in caring for our little boys.  Time that I thought I didn't have (ie. grocery shopping, cleaning, Dr. appt., play dates etc.) suddenly came into the light as God showed me the ending of one chapter in the life of our family and the beginning of another chapter.  Joyous fellowship was going on all around me last night, but the most precious part for me was what I was experiencing with my Abba Father.  His tender care was so tangible last night and in my mind's eye I was relishing every minute of it.  Taking mind pictures, if you will.  I will never forget the hug I got from Megan last night.  It felt like I was being sandwiched between God and her and love was the jelly squishing out all over.

I am confident now that when the time comes and we receive our call to go and get our handsome Peter, my heart will fully turn to the task, by God's grace, and I will be able to be completely engaged and praising God as we prepare to go, arrive and return from Hong Kong.  God intimately knows all the characters in the book of Jill and how the plot will unfold.  He gave me the most precious of gifts this week, "kindness" and I am changed.  All Him!  All His Work!  Such wondrous love. Such Fatherly care.