I can answer all of these questions with one thing, God's grace. This was a hard year on us as a couple. Adoption is a glorious thing. Adding any child, whether biologically or through adoption is a true gift and with each new addition comes the new challenges of keeping the marriage a priority. We have had many different seasons but this one with all the ups and downs have produced the most fruit.
In 1993, Thom and I entered a Sovereign Grace church newly planted in the Cherry Hill, New Jersey area. We were struggling as newly-weds and as new parents of 2 small children. We were immediately aware that God had placed us in a safe harbor where healing and equipping would take place. One of the things we learned that has impacted us to this day we actually learned in a parenting seminar. Roger and Dottie Small, our Pastor's in-laws, were teaching our group and as they were counseling us they said, "The best gift you can give to your children is a great marriage". We had become so child focused in our family that our marriage took a backseat to their needs while our needs basically were being ignored. Things started changing radically as we embraced this truth and the parenting truths being taught as well as linking arms with other married couples in the fight for GREAT.
Why put this here in a blog about Peter? Adopting children brings challenges to families, to marriages. But God. . .! In this season of acclimating Peter to our family and our family to Peter, our marriage got pushed to the back ground as we worked with all our children. We were all affected relationally and we all clung tightly to God and his promises as we walked through months of uncomfortable change. Thom and I found ourselves exhausted with no energy for one another. However, the thoughts of God's grace, the truths of scripture and the prayers of our church family brought us through abundantly!
Peter came home July 22, 2011. Both of our Dad's died and an estate needed settling (2011-2012). Older kids needed to talk until late hours and reassurance that things would be alright in Christ, and younger children needed such care so that they would know that they know God saved them and placed them forever in our family. (on-going) In August of 2012, we sensed the Lord call us to go away and we went. God awakened the desire and the energy we needed for each other. We wanted more and more time alone and realized that we had to get creative and find a new plan to meet the demands of family and our refreshed desire for one another. Each week, with all the new scheduling we made the effort. We planned to weekly date outside the home, to purposefully make times in-house where we connect, including daily devotions in the early morning. We even went away for 3 days to Cape May right before Christmas. The Lord willing, we will go away for overnights every quarter. The dates won't have anything to do with the kids and their issues. Instead we will be going through the book, Love Dare, and implementing the exercises.
This is the best we can do for our kids, biological and adopted. Wherever you are at in the adoption process, be all there! Cling to God and depend on Him to bring you through each day. However, when you hear that small voice saying, "It's time! You've got a good start with the kids, now give them the gift of a Great Marriage." Jump on it! Prioritize it! Plan it! It's not going to be easy, but it is worth it and it is the very best gift we can leave them with. A Dad and a Mom, deeply in love with each other and their Savior. All by God's grace, done in His faithfulness.
