It's Official! Peter is an Inglin!!!

On May 10, 2012, Man-yu Chen officially became, Peter Yonah Inglin.  Next week Peter will begin his journey into Speech, Physical, Occupational Therapy and Special Education supports.  Peter is a joy and it occured to me that my recent blogs aren't reflecting that.  So I wanted to remedy that situation with some pics, some slide shows and general stuff Peter is doing.  I just know you are going to love it!

Friends lent us their beach house so that we could celebrate Thommy's 12th birthday.  (He is a leap year baby!)  A small group of family and dear friends gathered.



Playing Guitar at Daddy's Birthday Party



Thommy loving his boys at the party



Brothers are a gift from God and Eliot and Peter are loving each other very much.

 

   

And Sisters too!

international Down Syndrome Day!


Having dinner with friends celebrating Peter's Syndrome!



 Opening game with the Reading Phillies.  Father Son time!

  

My 3 guys hanging out at the ball game.

Mornings are very silly and I love being in the middle of the muddle.

Peter is growing so strong and confident.  We played at a playground and he amazed us.

 

Peter has good friends Nathan and Lydia.  We have weekly playdates with them.



Watching Toy Story 3 with my friends.



The Judge was wonderful.  Man-Yu Chen became "Peter Yonah Inglin" forever and for always on May 10th, 2012, at 9:45 am.  Our Pastor CB was present in the courtroom with us as well as our Case worker, Jessica.  Also present was Peter's dear Mom-Mom, Uncle Mark and Aunt Karen.

 

This Mother's day was especially memorable because my 4 children were all together with me.  The girl's treated me to a wonderful night out on the town Saturday and the boys (Thom included) bought and installed a ceiling fan for me.  I am truly a blessed Mama! 



My daughter Megan is a wiz with making videos.  She made one with over 500 picutres in it in under 4 minutes.  I'll close with that then. 

Life Imitates Forrest Gump: My Brush With Trauma

"Keep running, Forrest!" Jenny cries, as young Forrest Gump runs with leg braces away from bullies.  It's not the last time he runs in the movie.  After his Mama dies and Jenny leaves him after a brief intimate encounter, he leaves everything behind, buys himself some NIKE sneakers and runs back and forth across the USA.  He even gathers to himself a little following looking for some purpose for their lives.  Imagine the disappointment they felt when Forrest was done running, stopped dead in his tracks, and walked to the nearest exit.

Why Forrest Gump?  In the past 9 months I have experienced real pain, real loss, real grief and I wanted to run from it as far as I could get.  Two significant deaths in our family, Peter's homecoming, and saying good-bye to my family's estate pressed in on me from every side.  Like a ship that broke free from it's moorings in a storm and driven out to sea, like Forrest Gump running from pain, like our little adopted ones washed over with unspeakable emotions, I was adrift and running!  I was running to everything but God to comfort me.  However, the anchor beyond the veil, Jesus, held me fast!

See, Forrest ran as if trying to avoid the past, the storm trying to engulf him.  God pushed me into the character-shaping storm for my good.  With God, trials and sufferings are always useful.  They are used to build good character and to produce great faith.  When going through difficult times God doesn't want us to throw Christian slogans at the situation and run from them.  God wants us to experience the good He is and has for us in the storm.  He wants us to cling to His strong arms as he purposefully blows our ship back to safety, back to the port and there "He" ties us to the dock, with knots that can't come undone.

When I originally hand-wrote this post, I was looking out the sliding glass door of my growing up home. Even when I am not there, I can close my eyes and see the breath-taking view.  I was there to prepare my family's homestead for sale.  That time would be some of the last moments I would have there before the next family comes to claim it.  The grief was almost unbearable.  Saying good-bye was/is very hard.  I want to "Run Jill", from all the pain, all the joy, all the memories and tuck it away into some nice "saying" or fuzzy thought - but God won't let me.  He holds me here and stands with me as healing tears flow down my cheeks.

Our little ones, Eliot and Peter, have experienced great loss at the hands of God - but also great gain.  Through this past 7 months of joy-filled loss God has been deepening in me a compassion and a steadfast love for my boys; a resolve to get to their little hearts, to give voice to their pain, their loss, their grief and not stop at behavior. If I, at 52, can be undone by trauma, then I can't even imagine what they must go through.  God was using this time in my life to open my eyes to the depth of pain our boys feel.

The thought of losing my forever home, not hearing the voice of a beloved parent answering the same number I have burned on my memory, presses me so hard that I can't breathe.  All the good and all the bad and all the in between will no longer tangibly be felt.  All it will be is a memory.  Touching and preparing everything for sale and watching it leave this home in the hands of someone else made me want to flee.  Walking around an empty house, with all familiar things gone and echo-y hallways sent a chill into my heart.  And soon, when I go back to get the last remaining items from the house I will be leaving my "Very Own house key".  I will never use it again to unlock that door. . never.

God took all these thoughts like a PowerPoint presentation and laid them over the boys lives and I think possibly for the first time, I truly entered into their grief.  They both were taken from birth mothers, countries, cultures, family.  Being so young still, they can't even find the words to voice their hurt, but it's there.  Who do they trust, where do they feel safety, will it ever feel better?  And like me, when the pain is at it's worst, do they turn to the only One who can truly comfort them?  Or do they act out, push away, isolate?  I am thankful to God for the real-life traumatic events of my recent life.  God wastes nothing and works all things together for good.  And as I hold my sons, writhing in my arms, trying to free themselves from love and from the pain, I pray tearful prayers for healing, grateful to be in it with them.

It's a multi-layered time for us as a family with many more lessons to be learned.  God is an Awesome Father, with infinite patience and parental skill to bring each of His adopted children finally home.  That same wisdom is available to us and as we encounter God's fresh grace for the healing of our pain, we find the strength to help our little ones in trauma.  And unlike Forrest Gump, I will not get to the end of my journey, stop and resume life where I left off.  We are forever changed.  There is purpose in our race.  Everything works together for good.  1 Corinthians 9:26 says, "We do not run aimlessly; we do not box as one beating the air."  And God wanted me to get this so that I can help our sons see Christ.

(Some Lessons)  During this traumatic journey I am learning to trust God more, to give voice to my brokenness, to receive healing, that darkness isn't dark to Him.  My God is mighty to save, my Jesus is a Great Shepherd and I do hear His voice, and the still small voice of the Holy Spirit can penetrate the loudest storms.  This is true, and this will bring peace, not only to my troubled soul, but to our little boys Eliot and Peter.

I want to end with this incredible quote from Charles Spurgeon's Morning and Evening.

Evening, April 12:  "Come in, strong and deep love of Jesus, like the sea at the flood in spring tides, drown all my sins, wash out all my cares, lift up my earth-bound soul, and float it right up to my Lord's feet.  There let me lie, a poor broken shell, washed up by His love, having no virtue or value, only venturing to whisper to Him that if He will put His ear to me, He will hear within my heart faint echoes of the vast waves of His own love which have brought me where it is my delight to lie, even at His feet forever."

Come Lord Jesus!  Bring all of us to this place.

My Furlough

I just realized that I hadn't been blogging in a while.  Just wanted to put up a brief note of explanation.  Since my Dad's death in December of 2011, I have been working with my family to prepare the house for sale.  It has been a tremendous journey of God-directed grief and healing for me.  We are coming to a close this weekend, March 31 - April 1st, with a huge 30,000 item Estate Sale.

So we have been traveling back and forth with the boys to NJ.  The end is in sight and I will be back.  I won't say that things will go back to normal, because for a Christian life is never normal.  Thom and I know that things will never be the same and that God is moving us into a much different season full of His goodness and grace.

Brief updates:
Peter has been evaluated at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia.  It went great.  They have made their recommendations and given us some great tools.  We are also scheduled to meet with our local BCIU for a follow-up appointment for services.  That is the smallest part of our Peter.  He is coming alive more and more everyday with laughter, dancing, pretending, playing with his brother, eating everything. . .less temper fits and more and more smiles.  He has won over all our hearts completely.

Eliot is totally in love with Peter and accepting his role as big brother seriously.  Eliot is learning his letters and numbers and loves Digimon and Phineas and Ferb.

Emily and Megan are doing well.  Emily is close to her internships at school and will be turning 21 in a few months.  Megan works hard at Chick-fil-a and will be going to Guatemala in April to help orphans.

Thom and I are greatly blessed with family and friends that care for us.  This has been a worthwhile hard season.  It has been overwhelming at times, but not to big for our God.!!!!  I am looking forward in the days ahead to be able to write down some of the things God has done.  Until then, thank you for all your prayers and kind comments.  They have been very meaningful to us.

6 Months with Peter!

"I want to earn one of the smiles and receive the warm greetings that Peter gives to these wonderful folks!  Then we'll know that he has fallen in love with us."

This is a quote taken from July 19th post while we were in Hong Kong.  By God's grace, we have recently been the recipients of the gift of Peter's offered affection in the form of excited smiles, kisses and hugs.  Looking back over these past months, we now realize that Peter has been in survival mode.  It has only been this past month that we have begun to see a fuller picture of our boy.

What amazing grace wraps these adopted children and keeps them during the initial placement with their forever families!  Peter has come such a long way on the knees of prayer and dependency on God and nothing else.  We have sought guidance from Bethany Christian Services (BCS) through the Post-Adoption Support Group (PASG) we attend bi-monthly, Yes!  We have received counsel from our BCS social worker, Jessica Armato, and received some very compassionate, timely wise words. Yes!  Our Pastors have continued to care for our souls individually and as a family during these first months. Yes!  All are valuable to us.  However, what dawned on me was this thought, "Wow, what would this have been like if God hadn't planned this all out before any of it came to be?"  The truth is there are many tools in our arsenal of parental care, but only God has the wisdom to help us apply these appropriately while keeping the Gospel central in the care of Peter and Eliot.

During the month of December, I was traveling back and forth to New Jersey helping my siblings with my parent's estate.  I had been away from Peter for about a 5 day span and when he saw me for the first time, he ran to me shouting, "Mama!, Mama!" and flung himself in my arms hugging me snugly and kissing my lips and face.  God ordained that incredibly encouraging moment.  The timing of all the ups and downs of this adoption journey has been set in place by God for this little boy's good while using the new tools acquired to facilitate those changes.  What am I saying?  God is in control of everything, even the tools given along the way.  That the tools are not an end in themselves but a means of help.  God is the center of Peter's story not PASG, not BCS, not Mother's Choice childcare home, not the Inglin family,  GOD.  And He is jealous that Peter's life reflect His magnificent grace and that God receives all the glory!

So here are some amazing new things we are seeing Peter do by God's grace.

1. Peter is eating all kinds of new foods including, broccoli, humus, chili, PB&J, regular milk, grapes, salad, tuna, sips of coffee, lemonade, ice cream, french fries, grilled cheese, basically anything on our plates
2. Peter is taking his medicine from us without us having to hide it in yogurt.
3. Peter is hugging and kissing all of the members of his immediate family as well as being affectionate to his extended family.
4. Peter has a friend named Lydia.
5. Peter went to Sunday School without us and not only stayed in the class without crying, but ran into class and participated in the activities.
6. Peter has learned 20 new signs and has increased his spoken vocabulary.
7. Peter has gained 9 lbs and grown 1-1/2" since coming home.
8. Peter loves riding on his little fire truck on the back porch.  He can climb up the sliding board ladder and slides down the slide.  He climbs up, with supervision, into the top bunk with Eliot.
9. Peter loves to read books. His favorite book is the children's Bible we are using right now.  His favorite movie that he loves to sing with is "Elmo's top 10 count Down" by Sesame Street, and the "Bob the Builder" theme song.
10. Peter has 2 absolute loves that are the same today as when he arrived home 6 months ago.  They are the water and music.  He loves to play along with us during music times and he goes completely crazy when we tell him it's bath time.

God is the only one who can bring about change in our lives.  He knows what tools will work in our hands and which ones won't.  He keeps all the threads weaving perfectly in each life and in each other's lives.  God will complete this work that is only just begun in our family and Peter as only He can.  I trust God.  I do!

And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. Phil 1:6

Happy New Year! Fruitful Labors for 2012

I keep a day-timer each year and for the past several years I have included in the daily "to-do's" everyday gifts from God.  As I look over the years events day in and day out, I am aware of God's goodness and mercy to my family.  It's all unearned, just pure grace and this thought occurred to me.  "My life is not my own."  Each December the 31st, God is faithful to set my sights for the next year.  Is this my theme?  Then the Holy Spirit, with the help of a concordance, brought me to this verse.

"For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.  If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me.  Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.  I am hard pressed between the two.  My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.  But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account."  Phil. 1: 21-24

I love the part that says, "If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me."  These Holy Spirit inspired words were written so long ago and yet today, December the 31st, 2011, they hold powerful, life shaping meaning for me.  What joyous labor I have ahead for me in my family, my church and my community.  "The Gospel". 

(Prayer 1)  O God, please let me live my life in fruitful labor towards my husband, my children, my church and my community.  Let it be joyous and let Your strength, Jesus, flow through me and out of me in this coming year.  Let Your Gospel be proclaimed in my life and through my life in all ways accessible to man as only You know how.

Peter will have his first evaluation for services at the Berks County Intermediate Unit (BCIU).  Because he will be home schooled we already have an opportunity to share the reason "why" with all the folks at the BCIU.  He will also be followed by CHOP (Children's Hospital Of Philadelphia), and the Trisomy 21 program for the following God-ordained reasons.  1. Asian child with Down Syndrome  2. Adopted child  3.  Home schooled child.  They want to walk through life with Peter so that his life and his uniqueness might be used to help others.  We are just at the beginning of this journey with Pete and already his life will be fruitful for others like himself and for the Kingdom of God. 

(Prayer  2) O Sovereign God, designer of our fabric, take Peter's life and use it for your glory and the benefit of others of his population.  May his life inspire many to rescue orphans just like him from orphanages all across the world and let his voice first praise your name in all endeavors and then offer hope to others who are willing to be imitators of your precious Son, Jesus Christ, the ultimate Rescuer!

Eliot is a very precious 5 year old.  He has suffered 2 significant losses, the deaths of 2 grandfathers, in the past 5 months and one very profound gain, a brother!  This friendly, loving boy started to act out in ways uncharacteristic to the situations and his family or so we thought.  Thanks to Bethany Christian Services (BCS) and the post-adoption support group offered locally, we have found helpful tools, answers to puzzling questions and a way to the heart of the matter in Eliot.  By God's grace, Eliot is able to give a voice to the crazy feelings (his description) inside his head and we have been able to "train him up in the way He should go. . ."  Eliot, more and more, has peace about his little life and he knows that God is the giver of that peace.

Emily will be 21 this year.  Already the comments of going out and drinking "legally" have come up and the anti-parental authority statements.  But, by God's grace, Emily heeds our counsel and doesn't need those things in order for her to know that she is an adult.  God has brought her this far by grace and He will lead her safely through this life and home to Him.   (Mom thought)  Why does legally becoming an adult mean that you should lay aside reason and act like a child?  Megan will be 19 in 2 days.  She has committed to go on the mission field in April to Guatemala to help out with an orphanage there.  She has chosen a path of no "higher education" at this time and works at Chick-fil-a part-time.  Again, by God's grace, she wants to help me out in the home and be a blessing to her brothers learning by my side.

(Prayer 3) O my Strength, I will watch for you, (in all ways pertaining to the training of these precious children You have blessed us with) for You, O God are my fortress (and inside the walls of Your fortress, show each of us the paths You have for us to walk for Your glory and our good)

This year Thommy and I will be celebrating 22 years of marriage.  These years display God's faithfulness, steadfast love, and abounding grace.  Our marriage remains the greatest and best gift God has given both of us next to Christ. We have said good-bye to our dads and hello to a new son.  We cried out to our God for provision to bring Peter home, for wisdom in coming alongside our daughters as they continue to grow in their relationship with Christ, help for Eliot and his heart towards God.  By God's urging, Thom stepped out of leadership for a season in order to help us navigate all this change. (So grateful for the obedient child-like heart that Thommy has towards God and his devotion to God's Word.)  And through all of this, God answered our prayers with more than we could've asked or possibly imagined.

Two loved ones have passed away.  I couldn't help feeling jealous.  The scripture above says, "For to me, to live is Christ,  and to die is gain."  I won't deny the longing in my heart to see Jesus' precious face and to be with Him forever, Forever!  But Paul goes on to say, "I am hard pressed between the two.  My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.  But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account."  So here I am with glorious work to be done because for now, it is more necessary to remain.  And I stay on account of those that need to hear the truth, feel the truth, taste the truth and live the truth.  I don't know who all of them are, but God does.  I just look forward to meeting them in 2012.

(Closing Prayer)  Dear Father, Awesome God and Giver of all good gifts, "You know the plans you have for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future."  I praise You for all the goodness you have shown to me and to those around me, my husband, my family, my church and my community in 2011.  Father we cry out, "Have your full way with us Lord and let our lives be living sacrifices to You, a pleasing aroma, as we enter 2012.  Let us live as Christ to those in our lives and those yet to come and Lord let our lives be full of fruitful labors.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

What it cost to say Merry Christmas!

"Have this in mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, thanking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." Phil. 2: 5-11

Every Christmas carol, every reference to Christ this Christmas has brought a lump into my throat and tears to my eyes.  This has been a year of difficult change both joyful and mournful.  And yet no suffering or sacrifice we have faced as a family can compare with what Jesus did for us on the cross.  When all the noise is quieted in my soul, Christ silently, quietly, humbly ministers and reminds of His first coming among man so many years ago.  He is the Foundation of my faith, the Shepherd of my soul, the Adopter of my life.  I am His and He is mine and nothing can ever change that.

Change has happened in our family.  We went from a family of 4 that lived in NJ to a church planting family that sows the gospel in PA.  We went from 4 to 5 when the call came to adopt Eliot from Guatemala in 2007, and just a few months ago, in July 2011, 5 to 6 when Peter was adopted and brought home from Hong Kong.  Lots of joyful change.  

Poinsettia Show 2011 - Inglin Family Singers

But along with the joyful changes in our lives God mingled in some sorrowful ones as well.  My dear father-in-law went to be with Jesus on the 14th of July, 2011, one day before we got on a plane to pick-up Peter.  What a decision to have to make in an already tense God-ordained moment for our lives!  God wasn't done sanctifying us though.  He wasn't done bringing true and lasting gifts to us.  God wastes nothing and His timing is always fruitful and good.

December the 8th my Dad, George F. Goley III, was discovered dead in his home.  The phone call came in at 10:30 pm from my brother.  I wasn't ready for this announcement.  You see, my dad wasn't a Christian although I had presented the gospel to him many times, that last time being after Thanksgiving dinner this year.  During the Thanksgiving celebration, dad was able to spend time with his grandsons and thanks to Aunt Connie, we got pictures of dad holding them.  But did he cry out to Christ for mercy as the thief on the cross as he lay there dying?  I won't know for sure until the day of Jesus' second return.  That's what grieved my soul.  Was I a faithful daughter of the Most High God?  Did I take the opportunities given me to tell my dad about Jesus?  Were my prayers for dad laden with pleadings for salvation?  By God's grace, yes, but in the torment of my soul was this question, was it enough?

God answered that through the counsel of my adopted family, the body of Christ.  My pastors reminded me of the faithfulness of God and His mercy that even the criminal that hung next to Christ, that had no more options left to him except to die for his crimes, would be shown mercy.  For in the moments leading up to Christ's death the thief confessed sin, professed Christ and in love Christ held out the Kingdom of God to him.  Could this have happened to my dad as he lay dying alone on the floor of his bedroom?  There is reason for me to hope.  The gospel is the power unto salvation.  Nothing can stop the plans God has for us, not even death.  Jesus conquered death!

So like Christian, in Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress, the burden of all the what-ifs slipped off my back.  Jesus removed it.  What a precious gift this was!  It's His job to save.  He knows who will come and who won't.  He can even use weak attempts like mine of proclaiming the gospel to plant seeds in hardened hearts, like dad's.  He is the only one that can bring new life.   Peter is with us and having a great Christmas.  My father-in-law is truly celebrating Christmas for the first time face to face with Jesus, and perhaps even my dad. . . Ah, I so look forward to that day.  So saying Merry Christmas carried new weight this year for me.  Although my celebration of my Savior's birth is mixed with sorrow, it is none-the-less filled with joy.  It cost God everything for us to celebrate and for me to say, "Merry Christmas".  Jesus paid it all dear ones.

O Come let us adore Him,

O come let us adore Him,

O come let us adore Him

Christ The Lord!

Foot Note to Thanksgiving

The last table cloth, napkin and plate is put away.  We have not grown weary of turkey yet or leftover pumpkin pie.  What a gift this Thanksgiving was!

Thanksgiving eve was spent with the next generation.  We ate, drank and made merry as we set tables, made name tags and laughed really hard together.  The mantle truly has passed to our generation, and our kids are actively participating.  Look what God has done!

My dad, Thom's mother, uncle and aunt honored our gathering with the wisdom that only comes with gray hairs turned white.  They were nestled in the future, serving, learning their traditions and making new ones.  And there was Peter!  He was so happy in all the commotion.  He ate so much and followed his big brother's lead the whole day.  At one point, I looked out our family room windows and there he was chasing his cousins, sisters and brother around the yard.  He plopped down in a bunch of fall leaves and started tossing them in the air.  He was laughing, and it was from the belly.  God gave this orphan a family.  (PS.  He did not cry a single time during the day!  Peter was truly enjoying his new extended family.)

 Yesterday, we went to see the Muppet's new movie as a family of 6.  There was Peter, sitting on his daddy's lap with his dear brother so close by and he was animatedly interacting with the characters.  I had to laugh.  What an amazing life God has given us! 

Today we went to Gring's Mill for a walk to the "bat" bridge!  Eliot was looking for dinosaurs and their secret caves.  We stopped people coming from the opposite direction asking if they had spotted any dinosaurs.  We got to the bridge, had a snack, ran back and forth 3 times and turned back towards the van.  What a beautiful place to raise our family!  God's plans are SO much better than anything we could've come up with!  I love long weekends with my family.