Lessons From Hong Kong; Part III

Lesson #3:  In the Moment! 

Peter is a pretty amazing boy.  At just 3 years old his whole world was rocked.  He was adopted by us and taken away from all things familiar and comforting.  And yet, by God's grace, I could see this little guy just enjoying the moment he was in.

When we first met Peter in the childcare home we were prepared for him to reject us and we were not disappointed.  We met him in a private room away from the rest of the population.  He sat on his care giver's lap while the social worker, Christine, spoke softly to him in Cantonese about who we were.  He didn't look up until my husband picked up a ball from a nearby bin of toys and rolled it to him.  With forefinger still in mouth, eyes still cast down, a smile started to emerge and then, father and son were engaged in a game of catch.  At the same time I was in the corner by the toy chest just looking over each toy and placing it back.  Peter approached me and allowed me to hand him a toy and mother and son were laughing and relating.  Of course, it was short lived for as soon as we were together with all the rest of the folks, he was having none of us!

The other moment I remember well was being on the airplane.  For 15 hours Peter was with two very compassionate strangers, sitting in strange seats, eating strange food, watching strange movies and he was as happy as could be.  None of the things that bothered me on the plane or any other person bothered him.  He was thoroughly enjoying the "field trip".  At one point I let him walk around the plane so that I could stretch my legs and so he could move around.  I followed behind this happy guy waving to folks, greeting people, and making sure everyone was properly met.  I remember thinking to myself, "Wow look, the next American Ambassador to China!".  (There was actually a guy in the middle of one of the rows trying hard not to look at Peter.  It didn't deter him!  Peter walked into his aisle and waved right under the guys nose.  The man smiled and laughed as Peter moved on.)  The very next thought was, "I bet God is trying to show me something here".

As Peter lay sleeping on Thommy's lap 35,000 ft. in the air, flying over the North Pole, I asked God what it was that I was seeing.  What came to mind was several pieces of information that I had read during the waiting period of our adoption pertaining to the general character of Down Syndrome folks.  They pretty much live in the moment.  One Doctor told a story of how one of his DS patients would be fretful about the appointment scheduled with him and on the drive over the child would cry and be fitful.  During the visit, the child would be hard to examine and clinging to the parent.  But as soon as the Dr. said, "OK, it's all over now!" the smile would come back on his face, he would wave to the Dr. and the staff, do a dance and go home much happier than he came in.  God was asking me, "Jill is this how you react when all around you changes and becomes uncomfortable?"  My answer was no.

I found myself thinking about how my responses to challenges differ from being like a child. Difficult situations can really bring anxiety, fear, lack of sleep, depression, any number of things.  But when the event resolves and is finished do I let it go and relish the moment, do a dance, rejoice!?  Often, I find myself reliving the moments and thinking of better ways of doing things forgetting to thank God for all the grace that was lavished on me, all the things that I was taught, all the sin confessed.  God was answering my prayers to respond differently to life's struggles that would be pleasing to Him.  Becoming more like a child.

Today was Peter's first Doctor's appointment and Thom and I both went.  He walked around like Mr. Ambassador again, waving to everyone.  He let us undress him, he even let the nurse take his temperature and weight and height.  (He has gained 4 pounds since coming to America and grew 1/2 inch.)  The Doctor came in and he shook her hand and then climbed into Daddy's lap and started to be uncomfortable.  Dr. Kelly was great and helped him along the rest of the examination.  But then came the shots.  3!!!  2 nurses came in wielding needles.  2 shots went in simultaneously and then 1 more.  Peter cried and hugged his Daddy really hard.  Within a minute or 2, he got dressed, clapped his hands and did his little dance. 

As we left, I said a silent prayer thanking God for being Peter's comfort during the visit and for giving me a different way of looking at my son and how God would want me to live in the moment.  When life hits me hard, I want to be on my Father's lap, being held in His trustworthy arms, and when it's too much for me, I want to turn around and look into his lovely Face and hug Him and cry, and then when it is over and He has wiped away all my tears and sets my feet on the ground and takes up my hand and says, "Let's go!, it's all over", I want to do a dance, clap my hands, sing a little tune and praise the Lord and WAVE all the way home.  Thank you Peter for teaching me how to live in the moment. 

Lessons From Hong Kong; Part II

Lesson #2:  My Help Comes from the Lord!  The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Peter's adoption, the whole process, has been one big cry for help.  But it wasn't until this past week that God really cemented it in my spirit.  We as a family have put Psalm 121 to music and love singing it.  God has been moving me from crying out for help to trusting in that help.  What's the origin of this help?  Who am I calling on?

So many times I cry out, "Jesus help me", and then continue to try to figure out what to do.  Somewhere along the way I missed a step.  God was again showing me something about how I see Him verses who He truly is that would radically change my life.

(Back Story 1)  Since we have met Peter, many unforeseen things have happened to us.  I have written about Thom's dad passing away prior to travel, but on the day that our family would be Celebrating Dad's life, my father would have a life altering mini-stroke.  I didn't find out until I got back into the states, turned on the cell phone and had several messages from family needing my immediate attention.  The Monday after we arrived back from Hong Kong, my daughter Emily was out running errands for us in our only car and was in an accident  (she was not injured) which totalled our vehicle.  We couldn't even get to the scene of the accident until someone came and picked us up.  Then on Thursday of our first week home, I pulled a tendon in my shoulder and couldn't even lift our son up.  We have had to borrow cars to get places and lots of decision making regarding the immediate future.   Again, I was crying out, "Jesus Help Us!"

This is not how we envisioned bringing Peter home to the states. But God had a better plan for us, for me.  I learned and am still learning it's not enough to just cry out for help.  At one point recently I was crying out for help and I heard this question resound in my mind, "Do you know who you are asking for help?"  "Do you realize that your help comes from the Maker of heaven and earth?"  I was once again stopped in my tracks with a really dumb look on my face.  Do I really know who I am asking help from?  Clearly, if I did, I would ask and then wait for the help.  Am I doing that?  So I went to the scriptures and re-read Psalm 121.  I am adding it here.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help come fro the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The Sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going our and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

I was stopping at the crying out and not connecting my pleas to the Source of all help, the Lord.  It was like a dark part of my mind had light pouring in to it for the first time.  And the first fruits from this revelation are refreshing. 

1. Instead of blame shifting my problems away because I can't find any good help around me, I need to lift my eyes up to the hills, to the Lord, who made me and all around me, even my circumstances and ask, mindful of who He is and who I am.
2. Asking God and then waiting on God to answer is both vulnerable and humbling but worth it.
3. God is trustworthy in His care of me.
4. God is not in the business of implementing my plans but getting me to see the goodness of His plans.

No, it's not the way we pictured Peter's introduction to our family.  No, we didn't want to be "vehicle-less" at this time.  But, Praise the Lord, it was God's plan to do it this way.  I am safe in my Father's arms.  I don't have to figure out how to help Peter attach to us, God already has His plan in play.  We don't have to figure out how or where we will get the resources for a new van, God already has one for us, will we wait?  Our bodies are outwardly wasting away, but God has called us to this life.  He will not let my foot slip, He watches my coming and going, He will be my shade, He will keep me from all evil, He will keep my life.  This God, the Maker of heaven and earth, is helping me.  What a God, and What a lesson!  So much more than I could see or imagine.

 

Lessons From Hong Kong

LESSON 1:  God's Grace

We have been home now for only about 3 weeks.  Already, God is using the addition of Peter to our mix.  The first thing to say about our time in Hong Kong til now is "God's grace".  One of my favorite lines from the hymn Amazing Grace goes like this:

"'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far and grace will lead me home"

For us this couldn't be more true.  We went to get Peter so heavy-hearted and God met us in it.  When we awoke on that Sunday morning, we had no idea how God was going to move. 

(Back Story 1)  Our dear friends, the Putnams, approached us several months prior to travel about our trip to Hong Kong.  Tracy told me that she had a friend from college that was Christian and lived with her husband and kids in Hong Kong.  She asked me if I would want to be in contact with her and I was very grateful to be.  Agnes, her husband Desmond and family would impact our lives forever.  God sovereignly placed Agnes in Tracy's life all those years ago with our trip to Hong Kong in view.  God knew exactly what we would need that Sunday so far away from home.  What a gift it was too.

Agnes met us in the lobby of our hotel to take us to a gospel preaching Baptist church of 11,000 members.  I was completely undone as we sang familiar hymns in English while the 65 member choir sang the same in Cantonese.  All I kept thinking about was the grace of God.  Then the Reverend preached from Romans Chpt. 8 and we listened to precious truths that mean so much to us and watched as it resonated in the hearts and souls of our Cantonese brothers and sisters.  For me, it was very hard to stay the flow of tears.  What is it going to sound like in heaven when every tongue and every tribe of people lift up there voices together to praise the Lamb?  Standing there on that day gave me a taste I will never forget. We spent the whole day with this precious family and boy did we laugh.  We were apart of the same eternal family and although we didn't look the same, the aroma of Christ was the same.

We returned to the hotel exhausted and wanting to eat food we understood.  Instead, we just fell asleep.  When we awoke we could feel the gravity pressing us down on the bed.  The grief of Thom's father's death and all the family was going through broke over us like a waterfall.  It was 5 a.m. and our desperation met us as all our burdens and tears poured out to our Father.  We wept together and cried out to Jesus to help us.  During this precious time God led us to repent of self-sufficiency.  The burdens we were feeling and the weight pressing down on us was our attempt to pull off this adoption and just get through each day as it came, somehow in our own strength.  We cried out for forgiveness and started piling all our cares, all our fears, all our brokenness before our Father and the gravity lifted and peace overcame us.

Our first lesson on foreign soil was to Trust in the Lord with all of our heart, Lean not on our own understanding, in ALL our ways Acknowledge Him and He made our path straight. Such a weighty subject and yet somehow we just felt lighter.  And since coming home, trusting God has become a practice with each day where we lay our burdens at His feet desperate for His Fatherly comfort and care.  Thank you Father for your sanctifying grace and your sustaining grace.  Thank you Jesus for saving grace.  Thank you for the grace of adoption! 

Life With Peter! A New Chapter

Welcome Home Peter!  We have waited so long to say that to you my dear son.  And here you are!  You are trying to figure us out and we are trying to figure you out.  And as we are being sanctified in grace together as a family we are finding our God strong and mighty.  We are weak and dependent on the Only One who can save, the only One who can bring an orphan half way across the world and put him into a new family.  Everything is new to you dear and by God's grace you are handling it just fine.

Daddy and Mommy are confident in only one thing.  GOD!  We are convinced that anything with man is impossible, but with God, ALL things are possible.  And as we lean ourselves into God's bosom we find peace, comfort and direction for our new family of six.  You see Peter, we know that with each addition to our family comes the challenge of change to our way of doing things.  Well Peter, you will find out sooner than later that Daddy and Mommy are slow to change and it wrinkles at our desire to have ease and comfort.  And not just us but all of us are struggling with it.  This is God's very good plan for the Inglin family.

With every change comes more prayers being prayed, more honest confession of sin, more gazing at the Cross of Jesus and finding forgiveness and strength.  But perhaps, dear boy, the most precious of all realities is that we can do nothing in our own strength and abilities.  God has delighted in showing us that over these months that we have waited to embrace you.  And now when we run into God's presence you come along too.  This journey that we are on together is just that, a journey, not a jaunt.  It's a delicious 7 course meal and not drive-thru at McDonald's.  Each turn, each detour, every new landmark is a gift from God. 

Being around you for such a short time has made me appreciate delay!  Details are important to you and so they become important to all of us.  It could be that we have to buy more expensive diapers to accommodate your incredible flexibility, you know the ones that have leak guards.  Or maybe it's learning some new signs together so that you can be understood better.   Going places in a hurry just doesn't happen anymore.  You know what Bud?  Doing things well with love that earns your smile and high-five is totally what we signed up for. 

We are all finding "our" way of loving you as well.  Eliot just can't stop hugging and kissing you.  Sometimes it bothers you and you hit or even bite him.  Most of the time, you both just laugh and play together.  You bring out your brother's tender and protective side.  He loves you fiercely already.  Megan makes you laugh when she plays with you and tickles you.  Right now, she seems to be a favorite, especially if you don't like what I'm feeding you.  Emily always gets a kiss on the nose from you.  We all get kisses on the lips but she gets it on the nose.  You love looking at her and she delights in you.  Daddy just loves having both his boys together in the same house.  He truly loves everything about you and I think you love everything about him too.  We really study each other don't we?  You and I are already building trust between us.  I love how discerning you are and how you can understand so quickly.  I loved being at the playground recently when you were afraid you looked for me and reached for me.  It made me cry.  I guess our favorite thing to do as a family is swim in our little blow up pool in the back yard.  We just love splashing and laughing together.

We haven't rushed into your introduction to the medical field yet.  All your care givers from Mother's choice gave us plenty to do while we unfold together as a family.  It is really a very lazy summer just slathering love on each other.  Praise, music and laughter seem to head the chapter of this new beginning.  And as we learn new things along with you Peter we will always hold out God to you as the Author of our lives together and in this truth we will find real joy that lasts forever. 

So I say goodnight to you son!  As I listen to your snuffly snore on the baby monitor and turn to bed myself I am compelled to say, "Thank You God!  Thank you for all the challenges, all the changes, all the newness, all of You.  Thank You for making us a family, and thank You for keeping us with Your steadfast love and mercy.  Peter is just perfect for our family.  AWESOME God!  We love you!"  What will tomorrow bring?  I can't wait to wake up and see.

Merciful Acts of Sacrifice!

My breath has been taken away as I encountered joyful servants of the Lord!  The men, women and children of Mother's Choice Childcare Home have the aroma of Jesus about them and when you look into their eyes that's exactly who you see, Jesus.  The picture I can paint of these servants and their acts of kindness to children with special needs is this:

Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity.  Ps 133:1

That's exactly what we have been experiencing since July 18th when we walked into MC to meet our Peter for the very first time.  They were all so very excited for him and for us.  As we walked by each care giver or volunteer they thanked us for giving Peter a home, asked us questions and then encouraged us about our son very specifically.  We went on a field trip with about 12 little DS children and it was a flawless operation.  No arguing or complaining among the staff, just team work and other's focus.  The children are well loved.  Our Peter loves them very much.  He knew us and waved to us as we met him in a private room with our SW Christine and a personal care giver of Peter's.  They really wanted our first visit to be very successful and so they lovingly guided our first visit and by the end of our time, Peter was warming up to us. 

All the Therapists met with us and told us about Peter.  They were professional and very warm, thoroughly explaining each therapy with joy and excellence.  Thom and I will never forget the details of Peter's care because of the proficient way it was brought to us.

Tomorrow Peter will move off the ward forever and will have a special ceremony commemorating the event.  We will walk to each area of MC and say good-bye to every room.  Then we will leave with a suitcase full of Peter's things and a heart full of praise to God for his kindness to one little orphan boy and all his friends.  Peter has been dearly loved and studied.  They know him, and after being around these new found heroes, we know Peter a little bit better too.  They have encouraged us that we are just what Peter needs, a Daddy and a Mommy that love him.  And, because of the love they have shown him, Peter will be able to love again.  I have said over and over again to Thommy and Christine,

"I want to earn one of the smiles and receive the warm greetings that Peter gives to these wonderful folks!  Then we'll know that he has fallen in love with us."

Thank you all for your prayers and support of us.  We have been blessed more than we could have thought or imagined while here in Hong Kong.

Gives and Takes Away

One of my favorite worship songs is entitled "Blessed Be Your Name".  The bridge is simple and goes like this;

"You give and take away. You give and take away! My heart will choose to say, Lord Blessed be your name."

Tomorrow, Thom and I will be boarding the plane bound for Hong Kong.  And like everything in Peter's adoption process, with the sweet comes the bitter.  This morning July 14, at 2:30am, Thom's Dad, Raymond Thomas Inglin went to be with the Lord.  It's like we looked away for a second and God drew our attention back to Him.  Nothing about getting Peter is or has been done in our understanding or our strength.  What a place of desperation we found ourselves in!  Do we reschedule our appointment?  Do we stay and support the family?  Do we go?   Both of these directions are good and pleasing to God.  Both considerations and questions are viable options.  Which do we choose?

Back in the beginning of this blog post I told the story about how our Pastor, CB Eder, came over and counseled and prayed with us as we wrangled with the decision as to whether or not to adopt a child with DS.  It all came down to knowing that we know that God had called us to adopt for sure and for certain.  God has brought that moment  to our minds over and over again with every decision or opposition we faced in this 16 month process and He brought us here again today in this very real-life scenario.  God was at it again! He was teaching us how to discern, not presume what the path to take would be.  He did it in 2 very specific ways.

1.  Counsel:  I can't thank God enough for both of our Pastors, Cb Eder and Ben Ross.  This morning in the early hours, Ben helped us sort out what was the difference between the fear of man and the fear of the Lord.  How was our thinking lining up with the call God had given us?  Which direction would bring most glory to God?  Slowly as we prayerfully sought Ben's wisdom, the Holy Spirit clearly lighted the path.

2.  Confirmation:  We know that not everybody will understand our decision to go.  We know that we may never be forgiven by some and confirmed by others.  But we remembered the man, Dad Inglin, and the fact that his whole legacy was about helping the orphan, the poor, those in prison, those in need.  And God showed us that by going to Hong Kong and getting Peter we would be bringing great glory to God and honor to Thom's Dad.  Soon after these hours of crying out to God, the phone rang and it was Thom's Mom, Peg Inglin.  She was crying and said she wanted us to go and celebrate life by getting Peter.  That would be Dad's wishes. What pure and holy kindness was shown to us in that moment.

Dad is really going to be missed.  He was devoted to God, the church and His family.  His time here on earth is done and he is truly free!  In God's perfect ways, which are not our ways, He took Dad home.  And while we will all grieve his loss for seasons to come God has given us something good to help ease our pain, Peter and much more, Himself.  God gives and takes away and doesn't need our permission in the process.  But He does lavish us with steadfast love and comfort and promises that in the valley, He will never leave us or forsake us.

So we joyfully go completely released to pick up our son and completely released to honor Thom's Dad in our grief all the while nestled into the nail-scarred hands of our Savior Jesus, completely weak, completely dependent and completely aware that only God can make bitter-sweet, Beautiful.  Please pray for our family that we would be comforted during this time.  That through the giving and the taking many will come to know Jesus.

Setting Our Sites!

Everything is unpacked and put away.  By God's grace we just finished the last of our graduation celebrations with our dear church family.  We laughed, we cried, we set-up, we tore down and we will bring left-overs to church tomorrow for the coffee time.  What a beautiful celebration and what great glory was given to God by our Pastors, Ben and CB, our families, our church.  Our graduates are well prayed for and well prepared to be those arrows that are shot out into the world for the gospel.  And we parents, will be there for the whole ride.  Sweet, sweet time.

Yet I found myself wanting to go and get Peter.  Our Eliot was running around with all the other kids at the party today and telling them that Daddy and Mommy were going to get Peter and bring him home forever.  He is so excited to begin his life with Peter.  Eliot has NO idea what a special gift God is bringing to him.  A brother!  I can hardly believe it.  Emily and Megan too are looking forward to Peter coming home.  They love, laugh and care for Eliot so well, and because God's love flows through them, they will do the same to Peter.  I can't wait to see what Peter belly-laughs at when they are all around him.

I love to fly.  I feel somehow closer to God.  Thom and I will never have fancy vacation, or great monetary wealth, nothing measurable by the world's standards.  We have Jesus, the Pearl of great price.  We have a Gospel-centered marriage, by God's grace, we have daughters that love the Lord and the church, also by God's grace.  We have home schooled our girls from a Christian perspective K-12, by God's grace.  And here's where life revs up!  We get to do it all over again with our boys, Eliot and Peter.  I am so blown away over this life and these gifts.  Peter isn't even in my home and I already fiercely love him.  God gave him to us and my heart aches to bring him home.

This is my reality by no doing of my own.  God lifted a sinner, dead in her transgressions and sins, from hopeless poverty of soul and breathed life and hope into her.  He gave me a new name and a new life to live and everyday He shows me His great love and I get to do the same for my family.  Oh, I love the way that sounds, my family.  I was alone and He put me in a family.  He made me an Inglin and put me in Christ Community Church.  And for 21 years of family living, I have been able to show God's love and share my life with Thommy, Emily, Megan, Eliot and now Peter.  What a crazy wonderful way to spend my later years in life raising 2 sons made in the image of God! 

The plane won't be the only thing flying on July 15th. . . my heart will be soaring high.  We have set our sites for Hong Kong for the sole purpose to bring this child home and fulfill God's plan for him and put him in our family.  The race is set!  We are coming to the finish line of waiting for Peter.  Soon begins the race of Life with Peter.  Oh, I am so eager to see what good things God has in store for us in the days, weeks, months and years to come.