October 23, 1998

On October 23, 1998, my mother, Patricia Ann Goley, died in my arms at the age of 62 from lung cancer.  Her esophagus ruptured and her life's blood poured onto her bathroom floor as I cried out to God to help us.  Within 2 minutes I could sense the presence of Jesus and I knew Mom was with her Savior and Free!  What a gift from God to be holding my Mom as she departed from this world and entered into her rest.

Today, on October 23, 2011, we dedicated Peter in church in front of all our brothers and sisters declaring that we would raise Peter up in Christ and the church by God's grace. There he was, finally in our arms, surrounded by the very people that made it possible for him to come home, sharing in our joy.  It was only afterwards that my husband Thommy made me aware of the significance of the date and while still standing there my eyes melted into tears.  So many other thoughts flowed with tears throughout today.  Memories really. 

(Back Story 1)  My mom loved kids and loved us more than anything.  Her job was working with children who couldn't read for varying reasons.  She was a reading specialist.  The children she taught were truly helped and according to the professionals she worked with, the children successfully started reading and caught up to the typical peer group.  Mom often said that she knew exactly how to help them because she was so much like them.  She too had a hard time learning and worked hard all her educational life, getting any and all the help she needed to achieve a Master's Degree +.  Her passion was to give her students not just tools to make the grade, but her love and help.  My brother, sister and I can say the same.

And here we are with the gift of Peter.  Mom gave me the wonderful gift of her confidence that I could do what I set out to do and then the tools necessary to do them.  I loved her for this. Because today, when I look at Peter I don't see a disabled boy unable to be "typical", I see all the possibilities that face him.  And the same God that saved my mother 2 months prior to her death, is the same God that will give this little boy what he needs for life and godliness.  And in Peter's great cloud of witnesses stands one Grammy routing him on.  Every 23rd of October when I think of my Mother's homecoming, I will also be telling one special little boy all about what he shares with his Grammy.

"Did you ever know that your my hero?  And everything I wish I could be?  Now I can fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings." Wind Beneath my Wings

Thank you Mommy for being my hero.  I have such a significant, purposeful and rich heritage.  Everything tied together in the wonderful tapestry of grace that God my Father ordained as my life.  He even redeemed October 23, 1998.  Indeed I have a wonderful inheritance.

From Princesses to Super Heroes!

Recently I noticed something odd in my upstairs bathroom.  The toilet seat is up!  And rightly so!  For 16 years the lady portion of our family dominated the upstairs and so the seat was down.  Now is the time for the Men!  I am smiling.  I am grateful.  My husband and my boys, what a happy scene.

In the mornings I hear Thom say, "Good morning gentlemen".  Off goes the sleepy-time music and on goes the Micky Mouse Clubhouse CD.  For so many years it has been, "Good morning Ladies, rise and shine!"  Now. . . robust laughing and silly sayings and loud noises of boys wrestling their Daddy as he fake falls to the ground.  Pull-ups and diapers out in the pale and two little happy boys settle down on our laps for Bible study.  I love watching Thommy love his boys and model Jesus right in front of their eyes.

Breakfast is next and as it is announced roars rise up from the play area.  Kid's Cookie Break is playing in the background as we put their meals together and ours.  We barely get through mealtime prayers before one of the boys dives into their food.  And oh the plans Eliot has for his grand adventure.  By this point, Peter is usually wanting something more and wriggling in his seat with every delicious mouthful.  He gets so excited that he yells and reaches to hug Daddy and me.  What bliss. So different from when Emily and Megan grew up. 

Then down to serious playing.   On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, we deliver a local paper as a family (not including Thommy).  The girls head off on their parts of the routes but before they can go Eliot makes sure that they have maps, cell phones and a very long hug from him.  Eliot runs each route and over a two day period that could add up to 15-20 miles worth of foot action.  He throws papers for me and makes sure that I am OK.  As each route ends, Peter greets his sisters with a warm wave and exuberant hopping up and down in his stroller seat. 

And the movies we watch have nothing to do with Prince Charming.  It's all action or fuzzy monsters, defeating evil or teaching numbers or shapes.  And of course, role playing with swords or karate kicks.  I just smile as I think back to the girls and how they would watch say Cinderella and then go upstairs to their play room and pretend the whole movie making up dialogue as the went along.  Eliot and Peter get done watching a movie and get up the stairs to the back porch for some pretty physical play.  And of course more music.

Bath time is very wet and bedtime is very purposeful.  Each boy has favorite books, each has a way they must sit on Daddy's lap or mine, each has a special way of climbing into their beds and each has an interesting way of praying.  Daddy wakes them up and puts them down most of the time and I get to listen in and smile.  And as I think over the days activities I again realize that I have left the realm of raising little girls and have entered a new season.  So when the lights are turned off and the door to the little boy's room is closed I slip down to my girls apartment and put on sanity as I listen to them share their days with me.

Peter, Eliot, Thommy and Me, the Four Amigos!  New dreams and grand stories or heroic deeds are dreamed upstairs.  And I am so glad to be the one sharing in it all.  What wonderful creatures boys are!

Inglin Family Update

This has been a real season of God strengthening our faith.  For awhile it has seemed like we were just gasping for air as the storm waves crashed over us. Lots of upheaval! You know, sort of like being at the beach and getting caught in the surf and tossed like a rag doll and just when you could snatch a breath, another wave crashes in.  Our favorite phrase right now is "coming up for air".  However, when we do come up for air, it's not gasps that we are getting, but refreshment of soul.

We wanted to thank all of you for praying for us.  Some of you we don't even know but look forward to meeting in heaven. Peter has only been home 2 months.  His dynamic added into an already passionate family has brought about some interesting moments.  Gratefully, because of all the lessons along the way we have been equipped to wait on God and pray in hope.  So here are some highlights. . .

Peter has slept through the night since the third night in his new home.  His eating is where he has "taken control", "exerted his will" in all the topsy turvy-ness of his new life.  We are grateful that he chose the latter to be in control of.  We are frail and need our sleep.   We have contacted Children's Hospital of Philadelphia and are on a waiting list for a "global evaluation" and in the meantime continuing what was already in place for him at the childcare home. Peter gets along with us all.  His face lights up each day when we all show up.  His favorite things to do are swim, either play or watch Eliot play computer games, ride the little cars on the back porch and listen to or participate in music.  He gets really jazzed when we break out the instruments and start to jam.  He has a real strong will and the temper to go with it when the "will" is thwarted.  Hey, sounds like a custom fit for our family.

Eliot is such a blessing to Peter.  Although he is struggling right now sharing all of us with his brother, Eliot fills the "big brother" role just fine.  However, there is typical brother stuff going on as well!  The overly loving hugs from Eliot, the swats from Peter with the piercing yell, the snatched toy, the temper fits, you know all good stuff that to little sinners bring into the relationship.  Jealousy is a hard concept to teach in word, but God in his wisdom has given us numerous daily examples to choose from to help illustrate it.  That said, one day while playing at the YMCA Peter had put on a construction helmet from the dress up bin.  Another child wanted that helmet and before I could get there I watched Eliot get between the boy and Peter to protect his brother.  I hugged Eliot big time that day as I encouraged him about caring for his brother.

Emily and Megan are enjoying being adults.  By God's grace their vehicle is on the road and they run each other to and from work, school, church meetings etc.  It is wonderful to see them as God's workmanship more than my daughters.  As life comes at them, they watch God move on their behalf and it is such a privilege to be the one they come and tell all that He has done.

We have a new van without having to take on a car payment.  Again, by God's provision and fatherly care a family member had a mini-van not being used and gave it to us for the insurance money we got back from the car accident.  It is worth far more than what we got back.  We are grateful for His continued mercies towards us and our family's care.

Finally, on Friday the boys and I went to the "Y" to play.  The area for the kids to play in is huge with many varied activities to choose from and as I followed each boy from one area to the next I had this thought; "I am following my boys around and I love it!  How much fun is that!"  I climbed through the play structure, and almost got stuck and as the boys and I laughed I remember thinking that I was the most blessed mommy on the planet.  (I also remember thinking, I don't think I am going to climb through this play structure again).  And completely amazed that God had this in store for me.

So the strong waves have subsided, and we have gotten out of the rough current.  God did it.  In these past few months God has made sure that the lessons impressed on us during this past year continue to grow and impact our lives to change us forever.  My sons are asleep, my daughters have finished their jobs, my husband and I are getting ready for church and another day to look forward to is just around the corner.  What a life!  Thank you for sharing it with us.

Dinner for 6?!

Our Flight to Hong Kong netted us a gift card to a favorite restaurant!  As we were driving to the destination I realized that we were going as 6, not 5, not 4, and certainly not 2.  We have a family of 6.  We had a wonderful time of celebration too!  I was so choked up about how God had grown our family that I was giddy all throughout supper.

Eliot sat with Daddy and Megan while Emily, Peter and I sat opposite them.  At first Peter wasn't quite sure what to make of all the noise and the funny booster seat.  Eliot had to try out the bathroom 3 times just to make sure it was there and that it worked!  The girls were so grown-up ordering anything they wanted from the menu and free refills on their soft drinks to boot!  Thom and I just sat there with goofy smiles on our faces.  Why?  The reality of what God had accomplished over the past few months had finally sunk in.  Praise was coming out as we both took turns recounting the goodness of God.

Peter was animated.  He ate a cheese quesadilla, applesauce and drank water for the first time since coming home.  Eliot just wanted to be so close to Daddy and was very engaging with the waitress telling her all about our family.  The girls just laughed and told jokes and had octopus arms moving things away from the boys.  As Thom and I made sure the boys were being cared for and continued to draw attention to the many answered prayers the weight of all that happened lifted.  By God's grace all the pieces of our lives that got moved out of place by the addition of Peter, are coming back into place.  We were out to dinner as a normal American family sharing a meal and making a memory.

I can't remember what I ate!  All I can remember is the phrase, "Look at what God has done on behalf of the Inglin family!"  We don't know what lies ahead for our wonderful family, but God does!  We trust Him and He was the honored guest at our dinner for 6.

Lessons From Hong Kong: Part IV Final Lesson

Lesson #4:  I Found My Voice in Hong Kong

Psalm 147: 1  Praise the Lord!  For it is GOOD to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and a song of praise is fitting!

There is a song we sing in our church that both Thom and I whispered through tears that Monday morning in Hong Kong.  It's called "I Need You Jesus".  The first verse seemed to fit our circumstances during the whole stay and since coming home.  It goes like this:

I am frail, and broken easily
without fail, my strength keeps failing me
All alone, I'm powerless
To lift myself from the pit that I am in

I need You, Jesus
I need You Jesus.

As we passed the time there, songs kept coming to my mind.  Quietly, almost absentmindedly, I would sing them.  When in church that Sunday, singing with my brothers and sisters in Christ "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand" tears coursed down my cheeks as both Cantonese and English voices mingled praising God.  And I heard God say to me, "Jill, sing to me.  Sing to me with the voice I gave you and let nothing hinder the joy-filled tears."   As soon as I heard this in my spirit a picture came to me.  It was from my Father, and it was a gift.

 (Back Story 1)  I had a favorite Grandpop.  I loved both my Grandfathers, but Grandpop Goley and I shared a special bond.  I was 9 years old and it was summer.  Often times the only way my mom could find me was to listen for me.  Usually I was singing somewhere.  But on this particular day I was in the screen porch with my Grandpop.  He had suffered a severe heart attack and he and Grandmom moved in with us so that my mother could help with the recovery.  I remember sitting so close to him that I could smell him.  He was sleeping.  I was a little disappointed because I just wanted to tell him everything I was thinking.  He always listened to me and knew exactly what to say to me.  I guess he sensed me there because he opened his eyes and asked me to sing a happy song for him.  I sang the "Bluebird of Happiness" that I had learned from the Captain Noah show.  He closed his eyes, with a smile on his face.  I kept singing every song I could think of just to keep that smile there.  I loved Grandpop with every fiber of my being.  He looked like he had fallen asleep again so I tried to slip away and as I did he reached for my hand and told me how good it made him feel inside when I sang just to him.  Grandpop died 3 months later, but that has stayed with me to this day.

God was redeeming and connecting a bitter sweet moment in my life yet again.  Right in Hong Kong, God was using a very vulnerable situation, designed by His hand, to open my heart's eyes to see a new chapter opening.  Singing to my King, just like that little girl sang to her Grandpop all those years ago.  Just He and I!  And as the songs flowed, I could hear Him say, "Sing another one Jill.  I love to hear you sing."  Joy was filling my heart like salve on wounds.  He gave me this voice and the songs to sing, and then He calls me into sing for Him.  What a crazy privilege!  What amazing love!

(Back Story 2)  We walked onto the main floor where most of the happenings for the children took place on any given day.  Peter looked away from us, but there was one little boy who recognized us right away from the family DVD we sent over.  In the DVD, I sang "Amazing Grace" and Thom played his guitar.  He pointed to Thommy and did an air guitar diddy, then he pointed to me and pretended to sing Amazing Grace in a microphone.  He was very insistent that I sing it right then.  As the tune flowed from my soul the children fell silent.  The boy hugged me and called me Mama.  Later, in our early interactions with Peter, singing to him when things were scary calmed him, comforted him.  That's how my son and his friend knew me, by my voice.

What sustaining grace! One of the hardest times of our lives to date and song came back to me.  Life and all the responsibilities sort of squeeze the joy of singing out of me like "one more thing to do".  But there, in Hong Kong it came splashing out.  The joy of the Lord was our strength and it came through song.  God reminded me that out of all the hats that I wear, Wife, Mama, Daughter(in-law), Sister, friend, Worshipper of God was most important and God the creator wanted me to worship Him in song, the Audience of One. As the Holy Spirit revealed this to my soul it seemed like I was walking on clouds.  Thank You Father.

Since coming home from Hong Kong, song seemed to slip away what with all the adjusting going on it seemed sleep was what we did the most.  But as the fog lifted and I heard that still small voice calling me, I was singing and dancing and laughing with my boys upstairs and crying out to God in song downstairs in the music room.  A song of praise is fitting to God my King and it really did and does drive away doubts, fears and sorrow and lifts my gaze once again to the Throne of Grace where at the top of my lungs I say, "Thank You Jesus!  Thank You for the Cross!  Thank you for saving me!"  And as I sing to Him, with or without anyone else around, the 9 year old version of me pours out love and praise to the One who loves me, the One who knows me, the One who made me to sing.  I am not boasting in my ability to sing.  No, I am boasting in the goodness of God and His mercy to His little girl.  I have an abundance of things to sing about in response to all He has done for me.

Psalm 13:6  I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

AMEN!

Lessons From Hong Kong; Part III

Lesson #3:  In the Moment! 

Peter is a pretty amazing boy.  At just 3 years old his whole world was rocked.  He was adopted by us and taken away from all things familiar and comforting.  And yet, by God's grace, I could see this little guy just enjoying the moment he was in.

When we first met Peter in the childcare home we were prepared for him to reject us and we were not disappointed.  We met him in a private room away from the rest of the population.  He sat on his care giver's lap while the social worker, Christine, spoke softly to him in Cantonese about who we were.  He didn't look up until my husband picked up a ball from a nearby bin of toys and rolled it to him.  With forefinger still in mouth, eyes still cast down, a smile started to emerge and then, father and son were engaged in a game of catch.  At the same time I was in the corner by the toy chest just looking over each toy and placing it back.  Peter approached me and allowed me to hand him a toy and mother and son were laughing and relating.  Of course, it was short lived for as soon as we were together with all the rest of the folks, he was having none of us!

The other moment I remember well was being on the airplane.  For 15 hours Peter was with two very compassionate strangers, sitting in strange seats, eating strange food, watching strange movies and he was as happy as could be.  None of the things that bothered me on the plane or any other person bothered him.  He was thoroughly enjoying the "field trip".  At one point I let him walk around the plane so that I could stretch my legs and so he could move around.  I followed behind this happy guy waving to folks, greeting people, and making sure everyone was properly met.  I remember thinking to myself, "Wow look, the next American Ambassador to China!".  (There was actually a guy in the middle of one of the rows trying hard not to look at Peter.  It didn't deter him!  Peter walked into his aisle and waved right under the guys nose.  The man smiled and laughed as Peter moved on.)  The very next thought was, "I bet God is trying to show me something here".

As Peter lay sleeping on Thommy's lap 35,000 ft. in the air, flying over the North Pole, I asked God what it was that I was seeing.  What came to mind was several pieces of information that I had read during the waiting period of our adoption pertaining to the general character of Down Syndrome folks.  They pretty much live in the moment.  One Doctor told a story of how one of his DS patients would be fretful about the appointment scheduled with him and on the drive over the child would cry and be fitful.  During the visit, the child would be hard to examine and clinging to the parent.  But as soon as the Dr. said, "OK, it's all over now!" the smile would come back on his face, he would wave to the Dr. and the staff, do a dance and go home much happier than he came in.  God was asking me, "Jill is this how you react when all around you changes and becomes uncomfortable?"  My answer was no.

I found myself thinking about how my responses to challenges differ from being like a child. Difficult situations can really bring anxiety, fear, lack of sleep, depression, any number of things.  But when the event resolves and is finished do I let it go and relish the moment, do a dance, rejoice!?  Often, I find myself reliving the moments and thinking of better ways of doing things forgetting to thank God for all the grace that was lavished on me, all the things that I was taught, all the sin confessed.  God was answering my prayers to respond differently to life's struggles that would be pleasing to Him.  Becoming more like a child.

Today was Peter's first Doctor's appointment and Thom and I both went.  He walked around like Mr. Ambassador again, waving to everyone.  He let us undress him, he even let the nurse take his temperature and weight and height.  (He has gained 4 pounds since coming to America and grew 1/2 inch.)  The Doctor came in and he shook her hand and then climbed into Daddy's lap and started to be uncomfortable.  Dr. Kelly was great and helped him along the rest of the examination.  But then came the shots.  3!!!  2 nurses came in wielding needles.  2 shots went in simultaneously and then 1 more.  Peter cried and hugged his Daddy really hard.  Within a minute or 2, he got dressed, clapped his hands and did his little dance. 

As we left, I said a silent prayer thanking God for being Peter's comfort during the visit and for giving me a different way of looking at my son and how God would want me to live in the moment.  When life hits me hard, I want to be on my Father's lap, being held in His trustworthy arms, and when it's too much for me, I want to turn around and look into his lovely Face and hug Him and cry, and then when it is over and He has wiped away all my tears and sets my feet on the ground and takes up my hand and says, "Let's go!, it's all over", I want to do a dance, clap my hands, sing a little tune and praise the Lord and WAVE all the way home.  Thank you Peter for teaching me how to live in the moment. 

Lessons From Hong Kong; Part II

Lesson #2:  My Help Comes from the Lord!  The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Peter's adoption, the whole process, has been one big cry for help.  But it wasn't until this past week that God really cemented it in my spirit.  We as a family have put Psalm 121 to music and love singing it.  God has been moving me from crying out for help to trusting in that help.  What's the origin of this help?  Who am I calling on?

So many times I cry out, "Jesus help me", and then continue to try to figure out what to do.  Somewhere along the way I missed a step.  God was again showing me something about how I see Him verses who He truly is that would radically change my life.

(Back Story 1)  Since we have met Peter, many unforeseen things have happened to us.  I have written about Thom's dad passing away prior to travel, but on the day that our family would be Celebrating Dad's life, my father would have a life altering mini-stroke.  I didn't find out until I got back into the states, turned on the cell phone and had several messages from family needing my immediate attention.  The Monday after we arrived back from Hong Kong, my daughter Emily was out running errands for us in our only car and was in an accident  (she was not injured) which totalled our vehicle.  We couldn't even get to the scene of the accident until someone came and picked us up.  Then on Thursday of our first week home, I pulled a tendon in my shoulder and couldn't even lift our son up.  We have had to borrow cars to get places and lots of decision making regarding the immediate future.   Again, I was crying out, "Jesus Help Us!"

This is not how we envisioned bringing Peter home to the states. But God had a better plan for us, for me.  I learned and am still learning it's not enough to just cry out for help.  At one point recently I was crying out for help and I heard this question resound in my mind, "Do you know who you are asking for help?"  "Do you realize that your help comes from the Maker of heaven and earth?"  I was once again stopped in my tracks with a really dumb look on my face.  Do I really know who I am asking help from?  Clearly, if I did, I would ask and then wait for the help.  Am I doing that?  So I went to the scriptures and re-read Psalm 121.  I am adding it here.

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.  From where does my help come?  My help come fro the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The Sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.  The Lord will keep your going our and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore."

I was stopping at the crying out and not connecting my pleas to the Source of all help, the Lord.  It was like a dark part of my mind had light pouring in to it for the first time.  And the first fruits from this revelation are refreshing. 

1. Instead of blame shifting my problems away because I can't find any good help around me, I need to lift my eyes up to the hills, to the Lord, who made me and all around me, even my circumstances and ask, mindful of who He is and who I am.
2. Asking God and then waiting on God to answer is both vulnerable and humbling but worth it.
3. God is trustworthy in His care of me.
4. God is not in the business of implementing my plans but getting me to see the goodness of His plans.

No, it's not the way we pictured Peter's introduction to our family.  No, we didn't want to be "vehicle-less" at this time.  But, Praise the Lord, it was God's plan to do it this way.  I am safe in my Father's arms.  I don't have to figure out how to help Peter attach to us, God already has His plan in play.  We don't have to figure out how or where we will get the resources for a new van, God already has one for us, will we wait?  Our bodies are outwardly wasting away, but God has called us to this life.  He will not let my foot slip, He watches my coming and going, He will be my shade, He will keep me from all evil, He will keep my life.  This God, the Maker of heaven and earth, is helping me.  What a God, and What a lesson!  So much more than I could see or imagine.