Joyful Anticipation!

My son wasn't having any of it!  His face was red, his little foot stomping, and boy was he growling.  Why?  I said no.  In his little mind, playing with a bunch of kids in the backyard should have been OK and immediately embraced by me.  But being 4 years old, he couldn't know what I did.  Much later, after he went to bed I was drawn back to the scene.  I wondered, "Is that what I look like to God when He doesn't do what I want?"  God was going to further my education using the behavior of my son to reveal a pattern of grumbling and questioning in my own heart.

Philippians 2:14 -15 says, "Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world..."

"When are we going to go and get Peter? " It's my big question these days.  Then there's the "well if we go at the end of May we won't miss Megan's graduation or youth camp.  But then we'll miss Emily's 20th birthday!  O Lord, this is too hard to think about."  Once again I find my heart embroiled in things that are none of my business, and neglecting the things that I could be doing now.  The endearing term I use for this happening in my life is called "Playing God with No Qualification!"  How Funny!  God called us to the adoption of this little boy.  God created him with DS and God has been in control of the whole process since the beginning of time.  So instead of joyful anticipation of Peter's homecoming, I find myself in grumbling resignation to God's plan.

Grateful thought!  I am ever so grateful that God is long-suffering, merciful, patient and forgiving of all my iniquities (even the ones I commit over and over again!)

So in the middle of this week, with yet another complaint lodged in my heart and about to spill out of my mouth, I heard that still small voice asking, "Why not anticipate my perfect timing of Peter's arrival and joyfully prepare for his homecoming?"  The "It's All About Me" race I have found myself running screeched to a halt.  My mouth hung open as tears began to fill my eyes as I considered the question.  I was doing it again, for the millionth time!  I was listening to myself and my limited thinking and not waiting and relying on my Sovereign God!  No wonder I was feeling sad, frustrated and sleepy.  No wonder the mountain of complaints were heaping up and burying me under!  I had been throwing a temper fit over something I could only see from my perspective!  I was hardening my heart to the Only One who knows everything and jumping up and down because things weren't going to happen my way.  Did God say we would never bring Peter home?  No!  He just didn't say when.  Did God fill me in on the plans of how everything was going to work together in our family?  No!  But His word says we can trust Him implicitly.  So what was the problem?

Well, it is the same problem my little 4 year old has.  Just like him, I can only see my side of things and they don't suit my way. . .And so, just like him, I have pitched a grown-up temper fit by making what I want and the timing of what I want my focus.  Just like my son, I think that I have the best understanding of the situation and want all the powers at be to hop through the hoop and make it happen.  After Eliot got done his temper fit, and after we talked about what had happened, he was exhausted and terribly sorry for what he had done.  He climbed up into my lap, hugging me tightly, with tears in his eyes asking me to forgive him.  Just like I did after God helped me to see. . .

So Duh!!! Why would I want my way?  Why grumble and question my faithful and wise heavenly Father?  Why not wait for the perfect way God will bring about His plan for Peter to come home?  And why not in the meantime, wait with joyful anticipation of his arrival?  Why Not?  The way God works things together in my life has always thrilled and amazed me!  The turning point came soon after the question and with it, peace.  Stop complaining, keep praying and be busy with the things God has given me to do.  I am grateful that God recaptured my gaze, forgave me yet again and put my hand to what He has for me to do.  God wastes nothing, not even the wait! 

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and In Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever.  AMEN!!!"  Eph. 3:20-21