Lesson #4: I Found My Voice in Hong Kong
Psalm 147: 1 Praise the Lord! For it is GOOD to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant and a song of praise is fitting!
There is a song we sing in our church that both Thom and I whispered through tears that Monday morning in Hong Kong. It's called "I Need You Jesus". The first verse seemed to fit our circumstances during the whole stay and since coming home. It goes like this:
I am frail, and broken easily
without fail, my strength keeps failing me
All alone, I'm powerless
To lift myself from the pit that I am in
I need You, Jesus
I need You Jesus.
As we passed the time there, songs kept coming to my mind. Quietly, almost absentmindedly, I would sing them. When in church that Sunday, singing with my brothers and sisters in Christ "On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand" tears coursed down my cheeks as both Cantonese and English voices mingled praising God. And I heard God say to me, "Jill, sing to me. Sing to me with the voice I gave you and let nothing hinder the joy-filled tears." As soon as I heard this in my spirit a picture came to me. It was from my Father, and it was a gift.
(Back Story 1) I had a favorite Grandpop. I loved both my Grandfathers, but Grandpop Goley and I shared a special bond. I was 9 years old and it was summer. Often times the only way my mom could find me was to listen for me. Usually I was singing somewhere. But on this particular day I was in the screen porch with my Grandpop. He had suffered a severe heart attack and he and Grandmom moved in with us so that my mother could help with the recovery. I remember sitting so close to him that I could smell him. He was sleeping. I was a little disappointed because I just wanted to tell him everything I was thinking. He always listened to me and knew exactly what to say to me. I guess he sensed me there because he opened his eyes and asked me to sing a happy song for him. I sang the "Bluebird of Happiness" that I had learned from the Captain Noah show. He closed his eyes, with a smile on his face. I kept singing every song I could think of just to keep that smile there. I loved Grandpop with every fiber of my being. He looked like he had fallen asleep again so I tried to slip away and as I did he reached for my hand and told me how good it made him feel inside when I sang just to him. Grandpop died 3 months later, but that has stayed with me to this day.
God was redeeming and connecting a bitter sweet moment in my life yet again. Right in Hong Kong, God was using a very vulnerable situation, designed by His hand, to open my heart's eyes to see a new chapter opening. Singing to my King, just like that little girl sang to her Grandpop all those years ago. Just He and I! And as the songs flowed, I could hear Him say, "Sing another one Jill. I love to hear you sing." Joy was filling my heart like salve on wounds. He gave me this voice and the songs to sing, and then He calls me into sing for Him. What a crazy privilege! What amazing love!
(Back Story 2) We walked onto the main floor where most of the happenings for the children took place on any given day. Peter looked away from us, but there was one little boy who recognized us right away from the family DVD we sent over. In the DVD, I sang "Amazing Grace" and Thom played his guitar. He pointed to Thommy and did an air guitar diddy, then he pointed to me and pretended to sing Amazing Grace in a microphone. He was very insistent that I sing it right then. As the tune flowed from my soul the children fell silent. The boy hugged me and called me Mama. Later, in our early interactions with Peter, singing to him when things were scary calmed him, comforted him. That's how my son and his friend knew me, by my voice.
What sustaining grace! One of the hardest times of our lives to date and song came back to me. Life and all the responsibilities sort of squeeze the joy of singing out of me like "one more thing to do". But there, in Hong Kong it came splashing out. The joy of the Lord was our strength and it came through song. God reminded me that out of all the hats that I wear, Wife, Mama, Daughter(in-law), Sister, friend, Worshipper of God was most important and God the creator wanted me to worship Him in song, the Audience of One. As the Holy Spirit revealed this to my soul it seemed like I was walking on clouds. Thank You Father.
Since coming home from Hong Kong, song seemed to slip away what with all the adjusting going on it seemed sleep was what we did the most. But as the fog lifted and I heard that still small voice calling me, I was singing and dancing and laughing with my boys upstairs and crying out to God in song downstairs in the music room. A song of praise is fitting to God my King and it really did and does drive away doubts, fears and sorrow and lifts my gaze once again to the Throne of Grace where at the top of my lungs I say, "Thank You Jesus! Thank You for the Cross! Thank you for saving me!" And as I sing to Him, with or without anyone else around, the 9 year old version of me pours out love and praise to the One who loves me, the One who knows me, the One who made me to sing. I am not boasting in my ability to sing. No, I am boasting in the goodness of God and His mercy to His little girl. I have an abundance of things to sing about in response to all He has done for me.
Psalm 13:6 I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.
AMEN!
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